“Dear @nytimes: I don’t want to switch to your global edition. Please stop asking me, or at least allow me to tell you that I don’t want it.”
“Dear Google: We used to be tight. Then u spelled Scott Baio’s name wrong and confused me. I feel like I don’t know u anymore. Love, Chelsea.”
“Dear myspace, why would I want to take a Metro Station quiz?”
“Dear help desk person, please tell me your title next time you call me, instead of “Julio, this is Jesus … silence … ”
“Dear Microsoft Entourage, I realize you juggle many tasks, but you really need to work a little faster or we may have to replace you.”
“Dear Muslim Radicals Who Want to Blow Up Americans,: This whole war on terror thingy has been a huge mistake.”
“Dear Jeff(From Diet) It’s been a long time. I miss you. Did you really eat a brownie melt this week? Dear Jeff(From Belly) Glad to be back!”
“Dear Dell: sending my friends netbook 2 weeks ahead of schedule and not sending mine is kinda fucked up.”
“dear God, it’s april. just letting you know in case there aren’t calendars in heaven. you know, spring weather and all. anyway… love, evan”
“Dear TWC, why have a PIN number for “verification” if you’re going to ask it while I’m standing in front of you and a dozen other people?”
“Dear Anchor Marketing Director, stalking me with Maude the fictitious Cow does not endear me to your brand. Geddit? Good. *blocks*”
“Dear Amazon, Anything that costs enought to be “$450 off” I cannot afford. I just bought a kindle what else do you want from me?”
“Dear MS: Apple is not a competitor. You make an OS & software. Every Mac is a potential Windows box, as is every Dell, etc. Wake the F up.”
“Dear Microosft: Don’t suggest that I connect my flash drive to a USB 2.0 port if my laptop doesn’t have any. Kthnx, Michael.”
“Dear March: You were a lousy fucking month. April’s making you look like a fussy little bitch. Good riddance. Love, Steff.”
