“Dear god send me love. That’s all. Xoxo. Jc”
“Dear drug marketers, No matter how congested I get, Astepro does not sound like something I want to shove up my nose. All the best, A.”
“Dear US Air: I cordially request that you go into Chapter 7 as soon as humanly possible, and thereby cease to darken our skies. Love, Me”
“Dear Ibuprofen: I desire your analgesia always. But it has been days since we spoke. Please come back. I cannot bear my day without you.”
“Dear Lady at Work, Please refrain from your use of camel-toe in the workplace. It is causing nausia and has been deemed unsafe. Thank You”
“dear amazon - thanks for letting me down…”
“Dear universe, I would really like a new job.”
“Dear Amazon: You may not charge me for extra shipments, but my asstastic courier service does, and dearly. Please stop it.”
“Dear Apple, I know you hate M$ but do you think you could not do a pop under when you’re warning me about important stuff in itunes?”
“dear god. hi. please let me get the job at the adidas store. because i really need a job. and i will sell the shit out of adidas stuff. amen”
“Dear Frontier Airlines: Whichever animal gives shitty service and loses bags, you should totally put that icon on the tail of your planes.”
“Dear Gillette: I loathe your commercial for the Quatro Razor w/personal trimmer. Your allusion to “bush trimming” was glaringly misogynist”
“Dear Ovaries, Just because we are gorging on pictures of our friend’s new baby doesn’t mean we’ll be having one of our own any time soon.”
“Dear God, please let me find a job that pays me at least 30k a year and gives me health insurance. And please let it be in MT. Kthx.”
“Dear CARROLTON, KENTUCKY, why do you think it’s okay to let your Chevron employees smoke INSIDE THE GAS STATION?”
